Wow really? 4.5 years?

Wow! I was just browsing through some blogs on the internet (as usual, related to travel and food. I am an engineer, why don't I like some tech savvy blogs!), and decided to check out how my very own senti blogger was doing. It turns out that the blog I had so subtly written, is now lost in the bounds of time. Having been out of the blog seen for a pretty long time, this was bound to happen, sooner or later!
Fun Fact: Remember the Fake IPL player? No, I am not him. But he wrote his last post at almost the same time I wrote the last one on this page. That is some profound shit!  
Well, I still am not sure what to write vigorously about (or should I start writing that novel?), but I have some ideas in mind and hopefully, there will be a draft for something interesting ready by the end of this week!

Amidst the Black forest eating Black forest pastry

So,
I have moved to Freiburg now for my Thesis. Once I finish this, by the end of October hopefully, I would have accomplished my Masters. That too in a foreign country. I wouldn't have believed this myself had anyone told it to me 10 years back. I was finishing my high school then! Good old days those were..
Well, Freiburg is a nice, calm and beautiful city surrounded by the Black forest. From my room on the 7th floor of an8-storey building, I can see almost the entire city and the picturesque Black forest. The other day I went hiking in there. Hiking was just an excuse though, I actually wanted to eat the black forest pastry. And yeah, it was wort the effort AND THE EXERCISE.  I know, I know.. its available all over the world. But how many of those put in it, the actual black forest cherry.. :P

Good days make you realize bad things!

Spending an splendid evening with total strangers who were all really good friends with each other, I realized there is so much I am missing in my life. People generally have some really good friends with whom they don't mind sharing even the darkest secret of their lives. but still haven't found one such solace. 

Past Present... Future

The present is never good.. is it?  We always manage to find something bad to make it worse. Always blaming bad luck and bad time for whatever happens in our life. Then one day it becomes a thin of the past. We are excited at first, then happy and calm for a few days, and then we start getting irritated with what is happening. We want to go back to the past again, hoping to relive those days, living the memory of times, when we emerged victorious from nowhere, times when luck favored us. It makes us feel good, and we seem to forget that it had made us feel much worse at an earlier point in life.
On the other hand, the future, it makes us shiver. We sometimes don't even want to think about it. The picture is still unclear as to what is going to happen. Will it be better than the past, or worse than the present. What we always search for, is a compromise in life. We can't really be happy with what is happening around us. And since we tend to believe that we have left the past behind us, it always gives sweet memories while the future will always give shivers down the spine.

Am I not normal?

Sometimes wonder if I am the only one who doesn't have what people call "close friends". Well I have a huge number of friends, but have not yet found those type of friends whose friendship I generally see everywhere on the internet. Maybe people don't trust me that much, that is why, I am never able to reach those standards when I try to befriend them. Or maybe, I am too engaged with myself for making good friends.
But I would like to have such friends. When I finished my Bachelors, I was pretty sure that I had found a bunch with whom I would live forever, people who would be raring to meet me, plan reunions, go for weird trips. But as time passed, they all got busy with their new friends, or older friends who were closer to them, and I passed into oblivion. And while I was running behind them, I found out that the new friends I could have made, they already had found a new bunch to hang out with and were reluctant to give me space. Now those are the people who go on trips and plan reunions.
I am no introvert! I do make friends easily, but tend to loose them more easily!!

As in the movies!

After I finish watching a good movie ( which happens almost everyday), I always seem to relate with the story of the movie. What would have happened in case it all happened to me in real life, and most importantly, how exciting would have been the journey to the climax. And anyways, in Bollywood, all movies have a happy ending only, so no need to worry about the climax too.
Life seems to be so perfect in the movies. The hero has the guts to get out of his comfort zone and do what he likes, propose the girl he dreams of, switch careers by choice and even then be successful; that is why he is called a Hero I suppose.
What could have happened if I had the power to choose any movie and plan my life accordingly!

Kai Po Che!!

Meethi boliyaan

This is one song which has been giving me goosebumps since its release. It automatically takes me to my world of dreams, to a world which I always wish to love in. I lived in such a world for some time 2 years back. But nothing, you know, is perfect. I had to leave that world hoping to get something better. While I am getting better things, that world, is what I miss more and more. Its something which I wonder I will ever get back!
You don't easily get people who complement you so well! Now I understand, if I ever get such people back in life, I am never going to leave them again, for whatever else life might have got for me. Ready to face all sorts of hardships for such a life just once more, because I am going to grasp it with both hands and never going to leave it again!

From reality to the Virtual world!

In the past few days, I have realized (just like I realize every few months) how a fast internet connection on your laptop, and a warm cozy room, can occupy all of your time, with you doing nothing but just sitting in front of the laptop, looking at random weird stuff. You don;t seem to get bored of any of this. And you never understand the reason, why! Time just passes by, and you only regret later about what you seem to have missed.
I want to write something good since a long time now. Every night I sleep, promising myself that I am going to start with it as soon as I get up the next morning. I do get up early too, but as soon as I turn on the laptop, I enter an altogether different world. The world of virtual reality, A world where everything is controlled by the tip of my fingers!
Even at this point of time, while I am typing, I so much want to get back to that world, where I can be the hero whenever I want, I can just click the cross button if I start to loose. A world where I can take a peek into any other person's life and stay there till whenever I want. Its a world where there is nothing called privacy. Well, there is privacy, actually a lot of it, but you know, you have got a lot of options too!

The never ending world of pictures!

That unintentional click of the camera while sitting in class or on a beach, the planned click to capture the moment when India won the world cup, the click to capture someone's happiness, and then the click to capture the daily life. I now understand why clicking a photograph is called Capturing images. These images have the power to take you back in history, especially the people involved. You tend to start reliving those moments temporarily, feel the rush inside you, the goosebumps.  You are excited about the surprise the next picture will bring, also you have just remembered what the previous photo was about, but the current photo, you are trying to recall what this one is about!
Suddenly, with the next click, this photo comes up, with an old friend you haven't talked with for a while. What is he up to now, you are curious! You think of sending a message to him but you haven't talked in years!
I have never been a fan of clicking or posing for photographs. It just makes me wonder about the moments which might have just gone into oblivion now, moments which I can't even remember now. Wish I could get all those moments captured but its too late!
Pictures don't move, they don't even speak, but they make you smile, and cry too sometimes!
I was thinking of tagging several people in this post, but then let them realize the importance of the captured moments when they themselves look at them. So if you happen to read this post, pick an album, or go to your social networking page you used some 3-4 years back and relive some moments again!! Those classrooms, those hostels, those random trips with friends, and all those festivities.

Life at a German Hospital!

So, I had never been admitted to a Hospital before, nor did I want to be admitted to one in recent future. But as it turns out, things had been planned differently.
In Germany, unlike India, you don't get medicines without a Doctor's prescription. This made me visit a doctor for being prescribed for a simple nasal infection (which I am sure would have cured by itself in Indian conditions). A few hours wait to see the doctor, would have been worth getting some medicines for free. But things unfolded quite differently from what I had planned. The doctor somehow saw some accumulation in my nose on its way to damage my eye (Yes eye! Does it feel serious now!).  He now wanted to operate it that very day, because he was very concerned :P.
Making things short and simple, I was admitted to the hospital, and operated on the very day (the story about the operation can be explained in a different post altogether). When I opened my eyes, I saw myself getting some infusions, and some sort of weird white mustache on my face. So now, my life at a German hospital had started for the next few days!
Everything regarding your health is covered by an insurance in Germany, so you need to pay literally nothing, except the meager charges for your stay at the hospital. It all actually turned out to be a leisurely and boring holiday for me inside the closed premises of a huge building with a lot of food, television, and a lot of people (doctors and nurses) to take care of you.
 The food, I now realized why the Germans are so tall, strong and healthy. Its because of the quantity and not only quality of food they eat. An Indian can't really finish a full lunch which a German has. And as I would say, what I was having was Hospital food, and not a typical household food, you know what I mean. Depending on choice, one can have a 4-,5-,6-course meal on his wish! But yes, unlike where we come from, the Germans don't have a concept of dinner. They have, what is called an Abendessen, which they finish by 6pm, and that is more like the evening snacks we have in India. And to top it all, they go off to sleep by 9pm.
But during this boring stay at a Hospital, I met a lot of people around. The different types of people in Germany, the lazy ones, the curious ones, the ones who always had a smile on their faces, the slightly rude ones (which might be due to their professions). I don't speak German well. So I was initially very terrified at the thought of staying at a hospital and making a fool of myself. But it turned out to be otherwise. I saw the friendly nature of the people here. They were always ready to help, raring to talk to me (although they didn't know English), never forgetting to say thank you and take care. These small things which we take for granted, are taken very seriously in Germany, and says a lot about the people here.
I can write a lot more about the hospital, but now I need to finish what I missed during that lazy week!!

No need to tell them!!

I have this bad habit of sharing with people, everything that happens in my life. I often get impatient  if I don't find anyone to hear me out. Its a weird, depressing feeling if you may understand.
But whats the need to tell people what is happening in your life? Is anyone even remotely interested? Would they love to spare some time to hear what happened to you? I Don't Think So.
Those who long to hear or actually know what happened to or with you, will apparently manage to find it some way or the other. Those who are not interested, are never going to understand it anyway, whatever number of times you try, they won't understand.
So do whatever you want to do, do it with all your might, and all the happiness inside you. You don't need to do it to tell or boast about it later, to others, because people are busy, they are not interested, and just like you, they have a lot of The Other Stuff on their minds to look into.

Need to be Home for DIWALI!!

Remember that Maruti advertisement!!! Hope in spite of all odds the guy manages to get a lift home in a Maruti for celebrating Diwali. Being at home on Diwali is so important.
I too am one such guy. I love the festival, the lights, and the happiness everywhere. I seem to never have missed the festivities of Diwali since ever. While I was a kid, I used to celebrate the festival like crazy.
Starting with the electric lighting on all the visible roofs, painting the walls above those with red paint to write Shubh Laabh and then, in the evenings, running up and down the stairs carrying those earthen diyas in a tray putting them in every corner of the house as soon as the Ganesh-Laksmi pooja got over. And after that, cracking all those fire crackers with so many relatives.
I managed to continue this even after I went to college. Although, getting home wasn't possible during those four years of engineering in a distant southern corner of India, I managed to find some like-minded people. We would dress up in all sorts of traditional clothes, go to temples, light diyas outside our rooms at least and have a lavish dinner after that. This was not the best way we could celebrate Diwali, but at least this was some way we could!!
As it turned out, after getting a job, I managed to sneak back home on diwali for two successive years. Both these times, I distinctly remember watching this Maruti advertisement several times on my laptop before actually leaving for home.
This Diwali is going to be a different story altogether. This time I am far-far away from home. Its been only a few days since I arrived here. So not a big chance that I can still celebrate it with friends. You don't get earthen pots here, so how do I light diyas? We have a temple here, far away from my place, but I think I will go there.. to celebrate Diwali, in whatever way it can be celebrated. The achievement I seem to have achieved, though, is that its a holiday on Diwali here too..

Foreign lands..... the Indo-Pak way!!

Whenever I meet someone from Pakistan, I really get a warm feeling from inside of having met someone very close after a long time. You won't feel it till the time you talk to someone from the neighboring country. And obviously, me being from Lucknow, love hearing the perfect blend of Hindi and Urdu as it should be. And when we converse we somehow exchange a few words which directly reach the heart and make us ponder as to why the two countries still aren't able to be friends with each other!
So I went to an Indische restaurant in Munich a few days back for dinner with an old friend. It turned out to be a Lahori-Indische restaurant, the ones serving Indo-Pak cuisine. The owner came to us, very politely and gently, took our orders, and served us a delicious meal ( the food was a but expensive though, especially the water, but then, we from the sub-continent are known to make fools of even our own people really well).  After filling the desires of the stomach and heart, my friend (who was giving the treat) was all set to loose some more euros. By the way, its not about the owner getting emotional and serving us free meals!! So the waiter came with the bill and while my friend was using his card, we started some small talk.
The guy asked us where we were from. He spoke in the typical tone spoken by an Indian Punjabi/ Haryanvi but with some polite words. Since I was the only one amongst the group who could speak hindi perfectly, I decided to take that question. I introduced everyone and then told that  am from Lucknow and he was like, "O so you are from the city of Nawabs, tehzeeb ka sheher (city of Etiquettes)".  As an etiquette, I too asked from him that where was he from. He simply said, that he belonged to Punjab. My immediate reply was, "The one in India or the on in Pakistan"? His reply was, and I would like to quote by memory, "Paaji kya baat karte ho aap bhi, kya India kya Pakistan, hum to bas Punjab se hai". I didn't have any words to reply to that!!
This conversation left me thinking again, what I have thought several times in so many years! Why are we still fighting, the people they don't see or imagine India and Pakistan differently. We have so much similarity in whatever we do, even then we can't be together. But I was happy somewhere. Happy to see and know, that even though we can't be friends on our own lands, we are at least brothers in a foreign land. The reason for being foes at home, is left for you and the bureaucracy to decide!!

The Malignant tumor

You know how a malignant tumor works. It remains in hibernation for most part of your life and then it suddenly attacks you.  The pain it gives you then is most frustrating although you know that the tumor had existed since along time. You always knew that it would attack you on some random day and you will have to take it on without any prior notice , preparation, or consent.
This is what happened yesterday. She was trying to talk to me since a week. But I was suddenly busy with something or the other, which doesn't usually happen considering I am totally jobless right now. I finally called her and she broke the news to me: she was getting engaged. I always knew this news will come about some day or the other, but was just ignoring thinking about it. And then it came. And what a timing!!
We had this pact sort of thing that I will be the first person she will tell about her marriage once the thing is planned. And for the first time, she actually fulfilled her promise, some promise, fulfilling which I would have gladly avoided.
And just like in the movies,when the hero is totally frustrated and decides to leave everything for a great career ahead. thinking of coming back and talking to the girl of his dreams only then, does he get the shock of a lifetime: that the girl is getting married.
But this is how life moves on. She was the only girl I ever had a crush on.  Though I always knew there was only a bleak future ahead.
I am about to leave for Germany, not knowing what is in store for me now, except maybe a bright career. But the pain of this malignant tumor, I really don't know when its going to vanquish, for me to start fresh again. Maybe, this was the right time for her to go away, giving me a reason while I am abroad to work on my career, rather than thinking about this silly stuff.

Dream of dreaming

I left my job for a better life in the March of 2013. I applied to some good colleges assured that I would land up with some great admits by the end of May, and fly away for something better by June. Life went on peacefully since then. Wasting time at home, going out, partying, knowing that I had got very less time before I start a new life. And then slowly, time passed, and I couldn't manage a single admit. I wasn't disappointed. I had this planned. I frantically started applying for jobs. Living in a small city, I had always had internet as my best friend. Applying to large number of jobs online, I was sure I would land up with a lot of interview calls by June. Nothing has happened yet.  I am bored of wasting time now. But I have now turned so futile, that I don't or rather can't do anything now. I used to be good at everything, but now I seem to be good at nothing...
Life sometimes plays weird pranks on you. You leave something just fine to catch something better and you end up having the worst. The world of dreams is not that easy to achieve. It requires some hard work but a lot of luck. I dream a lot, most of the dreams; I don't know very well how to work around for them.

Dreaming about the city of Dreams

The city of Gardens, you have deceived me for 6 years now. I sometimes tend to believe that I did engineering so that I could have a chance to live in the city of gardens.There is something about the city that

has intrigued me since I was a child. The greenery, the technology, the crowd, the temples; i don't know exactly. I even tend to think about the meekest job, the bleakest possibility or opportunity I get to reach Bengaluru, but it always evades me in the end. Whenever I have been to Bangalore, I seem to have enjoyed my stay there. I don't know when I am going to get a chance to get there but surely I am going to grab the opportunity with both hands.

Sad Frustrated Irritated!!

I couldn't get an admit in any of the colleges I had applied to.  I had resigned from my job for this. Now I am sitting totally jobless, not knowing what to do in future. Sometimes I feel that life tends to teach me lessons the hard way. The first step towards anything I try always tends to be misplaced. But is it life that teaches lessons to someone the hard way or is it the lethargic ways we treat our own life in.
I have always had this problem with myself. I tend to take for granted every new thing I start in life, be it a career goal or a friendship/ I tend to get bored easily. In other words, my saturation point in reached easily. I used to think earlier that it happens with all of us but now things seem to differ. People have matured. They have started taking their career seriously,their goals seriously, they even take people seriously. Is it a kick they suddenly get some day suddenly, or is it time which teaches it to them. Both the scenarios seem to be untrue in my case, I haven't received a kick yet nor am I maturing with time. And if life is trying to teach me a lesson, I seem to be very bad at it and have not really grasped anything yet. I can just wait for the bad days to end and some bright days to start.

3 Mistakes of My life

I have been struggling to be stable for some time now. I believe that I have somehow managed to see a lot of both good and bad phases in a short span of time. A long life is still left. But there are some mistakes I have made which I might never repeat again. A few of them are:
1. Money is not important
Once you finish your grads and land into a number of job offers, you are mostly attracted to the more monetarily lucrative offer. This seems good at that point of time considering that you had been undergoing the "more time less money"  syndrome till now, but this will prove to be pretty wrong in the long run. Its better to have a "plenty of time and plenty of money" syndrome in your life.
2. No one can love you more than your family not even friends
This lesson was learned the hard way, or rather I am still learning about it. During your times of need, most of the people around you vanish away. Only the true friends remain to support you. But the ones who actually hold you are your family. Try discussing even the smallest trouble in your life with me. Even if they can't provide you with a solution, they will make sure you stay afloat.Girlfriends/Boyfriends and love are usually a myth. Don't rum after them. If you believe in luck or kismat, let your kismat play a role in such matters.
3. Pursue your dreams
If you ever had a dream, don't just leave it aside. Start working on it. I regret not able to work earlier on with what I want in life, diverging from the path and not able to move back towards it. Once you start deterring, it would be very very difficult to get back on course. A time will come when you will think of staying happy with what you have achieved and will stop working towards your goals. I have seen people who lost hope. I don't want to suffer the same fate ever. If you want to be a painter, be a painter; don't be attracted by what the boring architect's job is paying you.

I do write...

I do write. And I write pretty well...
Its just the genuine stuff though. But I write pretty well...
I don't boast much. Nor do i try to sell random stuff...
But I do write. And I write pretty well..
I seem to not know much about what they write..
What they write is too complicated for me. But I do write..
I am not a connoisseur, but i write pretty well...
I am not that much into fiction and fantasy,
Nor am i a critic or a poet.. But I write..
I write my heart out..
I write what I feel..
I write whats in my mind. 
I write what shouldn't be in it.
And mind you, I do write pretty well..

I do care...

I do care for all that happens
To you and me, all that happens.
Though i can't express it well,
I do care when any such thing happens.

I might appear to be self-absorbed,
but believe me I am not.
Not a hedonist I am,
 just the master of my soul i am.

Your smile gives me joy.
Pain struck I am on seeing you sad.
Today you are sad, and i know that,
but i take a step back,
coz you dnt  feel that i would care...